Love is sometimes Scary
by black lambs don't lie
Summary: Sirius Black is at Hogwarts. On the train he met three people. James Potter Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew. One thinks he would be the best friend anyone could have, another is terrified of him and the other has fallen madly in love. abuseself harm
1. Meeting

A/N: I have fixed this to be easier on the eyes.

Remus and James stepped onto the Hogwarts Express. Peter was on their tail. The three checked every compartment; none were empty. The very last compartment had one occupant. A boy with smokewash'd hair that was staring out the window. "Alright! I'll ask him." James finally caved. He slid the compartment door open. The ebony haired boy took no notice. "Excuse me," James began. The raven-haired boy snapped his attention to James. His silver-blue eyes locked on James' chestnut eyes. James felt nervous under the intensity of the unwavering stare. His eyes narrowed as if James was bothering him for the heck of it. "Mind if we sit here?" James asked.

Remus noticed James was having a few problems. He drug Peter over to him and they stood on either side. The boy turned his stare back out the window. James took a tentive step into the small area. When the boy made nothing of the movement Remus and Peter followed. As the compartment door shut the boy snapped his head around so quick the others thought he could have given himself whiplash. The boy locked eyes again with James. James couldn't bear to be held under the intense gaze again. He locked his eyes with Peter's. Peter crumbled instantly. Remus on the other hand held the stare. That is until he heard the soft growl none of the others did. For once Remus thanked having extra sensitive hearing. The boy was speaking wolf, and challenging them. By holding the stare Remus was on the verge of accepting the challenge. He tore his eyes from the other boy. He seemed to be content and turned his eyes back out the window.

The boys didn't have the easiest time changing into their robes. Even though the charcoal haired boy's gazed never strayed from the window the boys were uncomfortable around him. He had a creepy aura about him. When the boys were finished getting into their robes they glanced at him. His gaze was still out the window but he was stroking a charred kitten. It had moonwash'd hairs mixed into its coat.

"Slytherin for that one. He didn't say a word to us." James complained. The ebony haired boy hung his head. He lifted his head and pushed by, delving deeper into the crowed of first years. "He talked to us, just not in a language you understand." Remus said as his eyes followed the boy. He looked at the others, seeing the confusion on their faces he explained. "The boy spoke wolf. When you to first locked eyes he was learning about you, what you fear, if you were in love and all that other stuff." Before Remus could continue James interrupted. "I feel a bit violated." Remus rolled his eyes before continuing. "When you locked eyes with him the second time it was a challenge. The same as it was for Peter and I. I only held the gaze longer because I was trying to figure out what he was saying." "I still don't want to be in the same house." The ebony haired boy was a few people ahead of him, as they walked up the stairs to the Great Hall. _'Grand now the house I'm in is gonna think I'm either rude or just stupid'_ Ran through the head of the ebony haired boy. It truly wasn't his fault that he couldn't talk until after he found out what house he was in. It was a spell his mother put on him. Sparkling tears welled in his eyes. _'NO!'_ a voice in his head shouted. He learned long ago that if he cried for any reason at all he would get hurt. The tears were held back the same as they had been since he was five.

"Black, Sirius." McGonagall's voice cut his thoughts short. Sirius walked forwards and sat down. The sorting hat was placed on his head. "Another Black I see. I know where to put you and yet you stand out among the rest. Still Slytherin is the best." The hat was on the verge of shouting out his house when the voice in Sirius' head screamed so loud he got a headache. "Easy there boy, if you didn't like the house all you had to do was think so not scream. Anyway I'll put you in..." Sirius' eyes shut tightly. "Gryffindor!" Sirius relaxed, took the hat off and walked over to the table that was going positively wild.

James, Remus and Peter were all sorted into Gryffindor. (Big surprise there) James began to try and explain Quidditch to Peter. Remus' attention slipped from the conversation and onto Sirius. The boy had pushed away the golden plate and was resting his head on his arms. "You alright?" He asked. Remus immediately knew that it was a stupid question but for some reason he wanted and indication the Sirius was okay. Sirius opened his mouth to answer but his voice caught in his throat like usual. Instead he nodded and put his head back on his arms. Remus could see threw that. Sirius may have been good at hiding his emotions with the rest of his body but his eyes gave him away. His pools of blue and silver were filled with rage, fear and pain to such an intensity Remus had to look away. Then Remus did a double take. The bare skin, showing under the risen hemline of Sirius' shirt, was an agitated red. He could see scars that weaved back and fourth. Remus was drawn back to the world by the hustle and bustle of the students getting out of the hall.

Sirius woke up at three in the morning. He showered and was down at the hall before the other Gryffindors got dressed. Sirius went back up to his dorm to fetch a book that was left behind. As he turned to leave the room a spasm shot through his body. Remus was gathering his own books and noticed the ebony haired boy was having some sort of spasm or fit. After a moment of jerking around a large raven colored dog was sitting where Sirius was standing. Before Sirius could gain control of what was going on an earsplitting howl erupted from his throat. Remus knew the call was for companionship. _'Are you planning on answering him or not?'_ The wolf inside Remus asked. _'I don't know him.'_ Remus thought. The wolf ended the conversation and forced Remus to answer. Remus covered his mouth and bolted. Sirius turned human and bolted to.

Sirius bolted past his charms class and went to the infirmary. He didn't know what he was going to say to Madame Ganush but he went anyway. Remus was farther ahead and running without looking to see who was in front of him. He crashed into the larger body and was sent to the ground. "Sorry." Remus muttered as he picked himself up of the ground. He looked up into the face of a particularly greasy haired Slytherin. "Watch where you're going Gryffindor!" The Slytherin pulled out his wand to give Remus a reminder. He was just about to curse Remus when another spell sent him flying backwards. "Back off!" Sirius roared. He was surprised at the volume of his own voice. The Slytherin turned tail and ran off. "Are you alright?" Sirius was at least a foot taller than Remus. "Yeah thanks." Sirius and Remus went to charms after clearing up the common room mix up. Both got Gryffindor 5 points taken off the 50 James had gotten. "James this is Sirius. Sirius, James." Remus introduced them. "Hi." Sirius said his defenses were rising. "Hello." James was a bit calmer than Sirius. The next few days went smoothly. There where a few bumps when Peter was introduced, Sirius was getting very aggravated at the constant stream of questions pouring out of Peter's mouth.

Once again Sirius was up at three in the morning to shower. Remus woke up. At first he was thoroughly confused at why he was up but then he heard a sharp wailing. The sound became familiar. It was a whining sound, much like a dog makes when in pain. _'Who the heck is up at 3:30 in the morning whining like a dog in the shower?'_ Remus thought angrily. He scanned the beds and noticed Sirius' was empty. Sirius walked out of the bathroom, he was already in his robes. His hair was dripping with water. Other than being up so early for a shower Remus couldn't think anything else was wrong. Until the familiar scent of blood reached his nose. Remus looked at Sirius again, he was clutching his wrist tightly. Remus got up and walked to the bathroom. Nothing could have prepared him for what he saw.


	2. Common Room Freak Out

A/N: sorry it's taken a few days. Thanks for the 3 reviews.

Crimson stained tiles in one of the shower stalls. Red liquid mixed with the water draining out. A hand rested on Remus' shoulder. "I need to show you something." Remus turned on his heel to look into the face of the hand's owner. He was looking at Sirius. "Um…ok?" Remus was nervous. "You have to promise not to tell anyone." Sirius was staring at him. Remus promised without thinking. Sirius inhaled deeply, he pulled up the sleeves of his robes. His arms were covered in scars, bruises, and a fresh mark on one of his wrists. Remus grabbed his arm gently and rubbed his arm. "Were these self inflicted?" Tears were sliding silently down Sirius' face. "That's not all." He pulled his shirt and robes off. Sirius turned around and pulled his hair from his neck. His back bore scars that crossed over each other, few were raw and agitated. "Dear God." Remus traced an older scar while accidentally running over a new one causing Sirius to gasp in sharp pain. James walked into the bathroom and found Remus tracing scars on Sirius' back. "What…who…are you going to be okay?" James wet a washcloth and pressed it against Sirius' back. Sirius shuttered but relaxed. "Does that help?" James asked. "Yeah thanks." Sirius smiled at them. His smile sent shivers down Remus' spine. By dinner James and Sirius were best friends and Remus was extremely close to them both.

Peter was introduced and Sirius went into a defense mode. He gave snappy answers to all of Peter's questions. Sirius eventually blocked out all of Peter's annoying questions. "Why are your eyes yellow?" Sirius grabbed a spoon and looked at his eyes in the back of it. A searing pain shot through his hand. He tried to drop the spoon but it seemed to be melting into his skin. After a few moments his hand started to give off smoke. The spoon was silver and was dissolving into his blood stream. Sirius looked at Remus before bolting out of the hall. Remus got up and followed. By the time they were at the hospital wing the veins in Sirius' hand and forearm were visible.

Madame Ganush went positively nuts. Sirius had to be given an injection to stop the poisonous metal from going further into his body. A number of potions had to be given to him to flush the silver from his body. It caused him to get violently ill but it got the silver out. Madame Ganush forced him to stay in the hospital wing for observation. "Remus," Sirius called as Remus started to leave. "Yeah?" Remus turned around. "Tell James that I have to stay here." Sirius had put up an argument but lost. "M'kay." Remus ran off to the Gryffindor tower.

"Where's Dog-Star?" After Sirius had told James he was named after Sirius, the dog star, James had taken to calling him Dog-Star. "Ganush is forcing him to stay in the hospital wing." Remus answered. "Did you see the smoke coming off his hand?" James was intrigued by what happened. "Are you guys talking about that kid named after the dog star?" A red head asked. "Why did he freak out at dinner?" "He was having some sort of reaction to the metal." Remus answered quickly. "I'm Lily Evans." She held out her hand. "James Potter." James unstuck his jaw to talk to her. "Peter Pettigrew." Peter shook her hand. "Remus Lupin and Dog-Star is Sirius Black." Remus introduced Sirius. "Did you say _Black_? Aren't all the Black's in Slytherin?" Peter never actually knew Sirius' last name. "I guess he's a rebel."


	3. Full Moon

A/N: sorry the paragraphs might be messed up. Thanks for the reviews! Oh and if you find any mistakes lemme know.

Sirius was back to class the next day. He was irritable, snappy and his eyes where still yellow. Remus too was cranky and snappy. By lunch a certain Slytherin duo found their irritable snappy attitudes. "Well if it isn't Potter and Black." A drawling sneer came from behind them. "Sod off Malfoy you stupid git." Sirius snapped. "Why in the world would we listen to you Black?" Came the voice of one of his cronies. "Because if you don't sod off you could give off the impression you enjoy our company." Sirius hadn't turned his head but still knew the voice and face of everyone who was talking. "But we all know you don't." Sirius had stood up and went was beginning to walk to his next class. Snape threw a curse at his back. "PROTEGO!" Thanks to his enhanced hearing Sirius heard the curse coming. Snape knew more _curses_ than the seventh years but not all of the other spells and charms. Sirius on the other hand was a master at dueling. Snape hadn't been expecting the shield charm and was hit with his own curse. "10 points from Slytherin!" Professor Dumbledore called out. Sirius, thoroughly shaken, shook his head and continued to his Defense Against the Dark Arts. "10 points to Gryffindor for an excellent shield charm." Professor Kiwi praised. "How did you know it was coming?" James asked quietly while taking notes on the Protego spell. "I heard it." Sirius answered. He was finished with his own notes and was increasingly bored. Sirius was attempting to stop snapping at his friends.

Sirius had left the common room ten minutes before the full moon rose. Remus was on his way to the hospital wing. Upon entering he was snarled at by a large ebony wolf dog. "Oh Remus I didn't hear you come in." Madame Ganush walked over to him. "You'll be staying in this for the night." She led him over to a cage next to the black wolf dog. Remus went into the cage and studied the wolf dog while Ganush put shackles on him. The wolf dog had long, deep wounds running down the inside of its forelegs. Remus transformed. It was painful and stressing. The wolf and wolf dog engaged in a snarling contest.

The cracking of bones and screams of pain reverberated through the ward. Remus opened his eyes after his painful transformation back into a human. His clothes were in shreds but still on his body. He opened his amber eyes and looked at the cage next to his. Laying in a bloody heap and shredded robes was a familiar ebony haired boy. It was Sirius. He had long gashes on his arms Remus could see other wounds on the skin that was showing through the robes. Remus tried to call for Madame Ganush but his voice was gone and he emitted a yelp instead. "Oh you're awake." Madame Ganush took the sealing charms and shackles off of Remus. She led him over to a bed and gave him a few potions. Then Madame Ganush went to take care of the unconscious Sirius.

Sirius was in the hospital wing for a few days. Remus visited him again on his release day. "Happy to get out?" Remus sat next to Sirius' bed. "Yeah Ganush wants to do a once over and then I can go." Sirius sighed. His arms were wrapped in bandages and his left leg was in bandages. Remus waited until Madame Ganush was satisfied that Sirius was healthy enough for him to leave.

James sat next to Lily Evens and Peter at breakfast. Remus said he would be down in a bit; James was still waiting. "There he is, Dog-Star is with him!" Lily pointed towards the oak doors. Remus was walking side by side with Sirius. Sirius was limping heavily and was using Remus for support. They paused for a moment by the Slytherin table. "Where've you been?" James asked. "Hospital wing." Sirius said as he plopped down across from James.

"What's wrong with the leg Black?" A drawing sneer came from behind. Sirius didn't answer. "Get an injury during a romp with Lupin?" Sirius turned to face Snape. "You know it." Sirius winked at him. Several things happened at once. Snape's hair turned purple and his nose fell off. The Slytherin chairs disappeared, as did the table. All four boys ran out of the hall in hysterics. "How…. did…. you…. do…. that?" Peter asked between gasps. "When we stopped near the Slytherin table…. I had my wand up my sleeve and cursed table and chairs. To trigger the spell I had to turn a Slytherin's hair purple." Sirius spoke once he calmed down. "Making his nose fall off was just an extra." They sat down in Charms. "Dude McG is gonna kill you." James said while attempting the levitation charm.

Sirius walked to Transfiguration like it was his death walk. "Mr. Black! That was not funny! 10 points from Gryffindor and detention!" McGonagall blew a gasket. "I told you she would kill you." James said as they left the class. "Ah that is where you are wrong my friend, seeing as I'm still alive." Sirius answered.


	4. Cherry Red Guitars and Pain at Home

A/N: Hey thanks for the reviews guys. Incase you are confused yes Sirius is a Lycan in this story.

Sirius and his gang were at breakfast when the owl post arrived. A large rather scary looking owl came towards him. It had a red letter in its beak. "Aw…crap!" Sirius stared at the owl as it circled above him before dropping the letter on the table. "Look everybody! Black's got himself a…." The boy never got the chance to finish as the howler burst open.

"SIRIUS BLACK! HOW DARE YOU STAY IN THAT GRYFFINDOR HOUSE! YOU DISGRACE THE NAME OF BLACK AND THE LINE OF SLYTHERINS! WE SHOULD HAVE PUT YOU DOWN WHEN WE HAD THE CHANCE! YOU'RE COMING HOME FOR CHRISTMAS, YOU KNOW WHAT'S COMING!" Sirius eyes went as large as gallons at the last bit. He knew what was coming and it would be painful. Very painful.

Sirius felt all the eyes in the great hall on him. He held up his head and tried not to let it bother him. Remus went after him with James. They had to sprint because Sirius was walking fast and he had long legs so it didn't help. They found him in the Gryffindor common room sitting cross-legged on a chair with the heels of his palms against his eyes. "Are you alright?" James asked in a timid voice. He knew better than to get Sirius angry, especially near a full moon or after one. James knew Sirius and Remus were Lycans. They didn't know he knew though.

"Why do they hate me?" Sirius asked. Neither James nor Remus knew how to answer the question. Remus mustered his courage and asked his question. "What…what…are they going to do?" Sirius inhaled deeply, placed a hand on Remus' arm, and looked gravely at him. "You don't want to know." Sirius sighed, picked up his bag and strode off to class. James and Remus suddenly really wanted to know what was going to happen. "I hope he'll be alright." James heaved his bag higher onto his shoulder. "I wonder what they're going to do to him." Remus followed James.

The four boys and Lily sat in a compartment on the train home for Christmas. They constantly glanced at Sirius, who looked very down trodden. This was odd and it worried them. It wasn't like him to stay so quiet. He couldn't shut his mouth even if you threatened to beat him into a bloody pulp. Sirius went for a walk and left the other four to talk.

"I wonder if he gets beat at home?" Lily said in a quiet voice. "More like whipped." Lily gave Remus a quizzical look. "He has a bunch of scars on his back." James informed her. "Oh…." She looked down. Sirius stood outside the compartment for a moment. He inhaled deeply before going inside. They sat for a moment in silence. Sirius stood on the seat and pulled out a guitar case and a mini amp. He undid the three hooks and pulled out a violent cherry red electric guitar. Sirius plugged it in and began to play. The cords became a wordless song. Sirius finished putting his guitar up as the train pulled in. He sighed before going to the house of hell.

Wrists tied and legs spread Sirius mentally braced himself for the bite of the whip. He knew he would feel the stinging bite more because his back was bare this time. The first stinging lash of the whip brought him to his knees. Sirius bit into his lip and immediately drew blood. He refused to give his mother what she wanted by crying. When the last whip was snapped the rope disappeared and he collapsed on the floor. His face was pale and blood stained his chin from his lip. Mary Black never struck him across the face. She said that if he ever has children ('Heaven forbid you be aloud to breed!') they at least disserve to have his looks rather than his personality.

As the train started for their trip back to school Sirius pulled off his shirt and lay across the seats on his stomach. He was asleep when the other guys and Lily found him. Lily let out a small gasp at the state his back was in. Remus got a piece of cloth and wet it in water from the goblets of water. He gently dabbed it on the raw lashes on Sirius' back. The cooling sensation woke him. James sighed and asked for the story of what was happening though he thought he knew the answer. Sirius sighed and refused to tell what was going on at home.


	5. Secrets reveiled

A/N: Kay here is the next chapter. Oh and I now take unsigned reviews. I didn't realize I had made it so that I couldn't but all is fixed now. Right on with the story...

Over the next few days they tried to get Sirius to tell them what was happening at his home. The only one leaving him alone was Remus. Remus watched as Sirius slowly started to distance himself from the others as they popped the (a/n: insert finger quotations here) what happened (end finger quotations) question trying to catch him off guard. James began to realize this to and stopped asking it. Sirius slowly accepted him back. Sirius and James became tight friends and were hardly seen without each other. If Peter or Lily tried to spring the _what happened_ question on Sirius, James would silence them with a look.

It was after a full moon that James found out one of Sirius' biggest secrets, as did Remus. Sirius came back to the common room dog tired and looking like he had just been beaten. James was getting suspicious of him for disappearing without notice. "Are you a werewolf?" James asked without any warning while he and Sirius did their homework. "Yes." Sirius answered without a second thought. James was about to say something when Sirius finally got it threw his head what happened. He instantly drew his knees to his chest, ducked his head down and covered his neck with an arm as if he was expecting James to freak out and hit him. James instantly got the feeling that this boy who almost always hid his emotions was being beaten for his lycanthropy. "Are you okay?" James already knew that Sirius wasn't, no matter what Sirius tried to tell him now. James reached out to touch Sirius on his shoulder, Sirius shied away a little until he felt the gentle contact. "Your…your not going to…to hit me?" Sirius asked in a small voice. "No, why would I do that?" James began to worry again. "You're okay with it?" Sirius asked as he uncoiled himself. "I'm just fine with it…" James looked into Sirius's eyes. He already learned that Sirius' eyes held all his emotions in them. Relief swept threw them.

Remus had been watching from his bed and saw how Sirius had recoiled away from James when he told James. Sirius then asked if James was going to hit him, something wasn't right about that. He was thinking when he felt the presence of eyes on him. Remus looked up and locked eyes with Sirius moon colored eyes. It was almost as if he was expecting Remus to say something. Sirius knew that Remus had heard the conversation, they weren't bothering to keep their voices low and Sirius knew Remus was a werewolf. "I…I to am a werewolf…" Remus said quietly. "Really?" James seemed intrigued by the fact that two werewolves were at Hogwarts.

Sirius suddenly stilled. He got up and walked over to Remus. He pulled up the smaller lycan's sleeve. Remus flushed from the contact, he didn't know why he did. Sirius quickly found what he was looking for. A bite wound scar on Remus' forearm. There was a half moon faintly showing on his skin. This was Remus' bite would from when he was turned. Sirius' eyes grew wide, he dropped Remus' arm and bolted. When Remus tried to go after him James stopped him. "Let me." James quickly went after Sirius. Remus looked at his arm. He wondered why his mark sent Sirius running.

James cornered Sirius in the hall. He put a hand on his friend's shoulder causing him to jump. "Easy Sirius it's just me." He panted. "What's wrong?" James asked as he saw Sirius going on the verge of a break down. Sirius stopped the break down before it came. He looked up at James; his eyes were filled with pain and sorrow. "What's wrong?" James asked in a demanding tone. "I bit Remus." Sirius' voice was barely audible. "What?" James asked he didn't believe what was said. "I caused Remus this pain. I bit him. I am the reason he goes threw the pain of lycanthropy at each full moon. I gave him his curse." His last sentence was yelled. With surprising strength and speed Sirius forced James away and disappeared down the deserted hall. This wasn't what James had been expecting. As Lycans had superhuman speed there was know way James could keep up with Sirius let alone find him. James walked back to the common room to mull things over in his head.

Sirius walked back to the dorm around dawn. He had spent a while in the Room of Requirement, which he stumbled upon trying to hide from, well he didn't know what but he needed to think. Silently he slipped into the dormitory and over to Remus' bed. Remus sensed his presence but couldn't bring himself out of his sleep. "Remus we need to talk." Sirius' voice shook. Remus sat up strait, almost smacking Sirius in the head, luckily Sirius had seen it coming and moved out of the way. "What is it?" Remus was a bit annoyed that it couldn't wait till morning but his annoyance disappeared when he saw the look on Sirius' face. "Tell me how you were bitten." Remus' annoyance came back. He kept it back by the look of distress hidden under layers of other emotions in Sirius's eyes. "When I was little about 5 my parents went to St. Mungo's ward for transforming werewolves. My parents were curious to see what they looked like and thought of adopting a Lycan child because my mother couldn't have more children and they wanted to help one of the children that were abandoned by their parents for their lycanthropy. Visitors were allowed to sit in the room as long as they stayed away from the cages. I didn't know any better and thought they were dogs. I walked over to a cage as my parents talked to some other people watching a friend or family member. I reached into the cage to try and pet a small blackish gray male. He bit down on my arm." Remus paused for a second. "My parents only noticed when my cry rang through the air. The last thing I can really remember was my father getting it to let go. They pleaded with the workers to let the Lycan live, so did his family, I think they won the case by saying it was part their fault for not paying attention to me." Remus sighed. He hated telling that story. "He did." Sirius said while looking into his lap. "What, how do you know?" Remus was taken by surprise when Sirius said this.

"On my first transformation a family with a young boy of about 5 walked into the ward. The parents started to talk to some other people when the little boy walked over to my cage. I bit him. His father was alerted by his cry and yanked my muzzle away. My parents almost had me put down because I bit someone. His parents pleaded to let me live. They said it wasn't all my fault. They won the case." Sirius sighed and blinked back tears. "I…I know who I bit." This also surprised Remus. "Who?" Remus had an idea but he didn't believe it. "You." Sirius was unable to hold back his tears and went to his bed. Remus stared at the place where Sirius was just sitting.


	6. Confusion lots of Confusion

A/N: Chapter 6! tell me what you think.

_thoughts or letters are like this_._ the wolf thoughts are like this_

Things became strange between the boys. James was forcing conversations between Sirius and Remus, Remus began to avoid Sirius, for more than one reason, and Sirius became slightly more protective of Remus. After about a week of this Remus received a letter. He took the letter from the beautiful storm gray owl. Written on the front of the folded parchment was: _Remus, read when alone._ Remus got up and turned to leave. "Hey Rem, where are you going?" James asked. "Uh...bathroom. I'll meet you guys in lessons." Remus ran to the nearest boy's bathroom. He checked that no one was in it before going into a stall. He sat down on the lid and pulled his knees up." Opening the letter with shaking hands he read.

_Remus, _

_I am truly sorry for the pain I've caused and for ruining your life. I'll understand if you don't want to be friends_ _with me any more. I'll leave you alone now. I'd say farewell but goodbyes are always hard._

_Sirius Orion Black_

Remus reread the letter four times. He decided that he wasn't going to lessons today and went back to the common room. At the end of lessons the other three boys came back looking a bit worse for wear. They had obviously come from potions. Remus could tell by the state they were in. The ends of Sirius' hair was singed, James' robes looked like they were blown up and Peter's eyebrows were blow off completely. "I hate potions! I'd be failing even worse if it weren't for you guys." Peter said completely oblivious to Remus' standing there. "Yeah well thanks to you we failed that assignment." If looks could kill Peter would be a smoldering pile of ash on the carpet from the glare Sirius was giving him. "What happened?" Remus asked. "Because of _Peter_," Sirius spat out Peter's name like a vomit flavored Berite bot. "and his stupid prank that backfired James and I are in the state you see now, failed the assignment and have detention for a week with the Gamekeeper."

Sirius completely ignored Peter and had started to freely talk to Remus again. Remus decided he would tell Sirius that he still wanted to be friends with him but he hadn't needed to. On the first night of detentions they got trouble with the Slytherins. "Back off." Sirius growled as the approached. The Slytherins ignored Sirius and went over to Remus. "Fancy meeting you here." Severus Snape sneered. "B-A-C-K O-F-F." Sirius drew out the words and drew out his wand at the same time. "Oh what's wrong Black, don't like people talking to your boyfriend." Snape had his sneer firmly in place. "Remus is _NOT_ my boyfriend, and I am in no mood to have your presence here so I say it again; back off." He had a glare held firm to his eyes. His eyes held rage and annoyance. Snape backed off alright. Snape backed off, backed up and backed right out of the library. "I gotta go or I'll be late for detention. See ya later." Sirius groaned and walked out of the library. Remus noticed the book of parchment that Sirius was writing in was left behind. He picked it up and put it in his bag. Remus thought back on the conversation Snape and Sirius had. He felt himself flush when Snape called him Sirius' boyfriend. _'Why though?'_ Remus thought. _'I don't look like that much of a pansy do I?'_ Remus shook his head in confusion. '_You're not a pansy, and I wouldn't mind being Padfoot's puppy._' The wolf claimed. Remus shook his head again. "Hey Remus what's up?" Lily asked as she sat down. "Oh, uh, nithong...I mean nothing." Remus and Lily had become study buddies. If the other boys weren't in the mood to study, most often the case, Lily would study with him. Lily new that when Remus switched his words or said them wrong he was often confused. "What's confusing you now?" Lily asked. "How did you know I was confused?" Remus was taken by surprise when she said that. "I just did, now what's confusing you?" Lily asked again. "Just something someone said that made me blush and I don't know why." Remus spilt the truth knowing she'd get it out of him somehow. "What was said?" Lily enjoyed playing psychologist when a friend had troubles. "That I was someone's boyfriend...a boy's boyfriend." Remus flushed again. "Oh, so you got embarrassed by being call a homosexual." Lily said knowingly. "I guess..." Remus pondered for a moment. "Well are you?" Lily asked. "I hope not." Remus went back to his essay. 

Sirius, James and Peter had to shovel out a coral for Hagrid. Sirius, already in foul mood, got angrier when Peter had nearly hit him with a shovel. He got back at Peter by flinging dung on him. "Oy! What was that for?!" Peter shouted at a smirking Sirius. "For almost hitting me with your shovel." Sirius went back to work but stopped almost immediately. He looked around. He had the feeling they were being watched, or more specifically, he was being watched. James noticed Sirius' behavior. "You alright?" "Yeah I thought I...heard...something." It was half the truth because Sirius really did hear something. James glared at Sirius in concern. Sirius walked over to the forest. "Where are you going?" James made to follow him but Sirius held out his hand for him to stop. "Aufenthalt dort." James had no clue what Sirius had said but thought it was along the lines of stay there. Sirius walked into the forest and came out a few moments later a bit stunned. He kept silent about what happened and made James worry. Their detention was over and they left for the Gryffindor tower. Are you going to tell us what happened?" James asked.

Sirius started off. "I heard something in the forest and went to check it out. When I got there...

A/N: Ooh cliffy! Sorry bout that but I had to do it. I won't do it often though. Oh and Sirius is speaking German....


	7. What happened in the wood, disturbing po...

A/N: This may have some disturbing things...well not really but if cutting makes you feel odd don't read cuz this has it in it.

"I saw a faint glowing. It was a unicorn." Three gasps came from his friends when he said this. Unicorns weren't often so close to the edge of the forest. "He was a bit ill looking and didn't shy away when I approached. He was calling to me. '_Closer young werewolf_.' He said. I heard it in my head though it sounded like a very poorly tuned radio. I knelt by him and put a hand on his shoulder. When he drove his horn through my skin I wasn't scared. He pulled back and left a star mark over my heart." James interrupted him. "Can we see it?" Sirius chuckled and pulled away the material of his shirt. Sure enough a faint blue star was glowing softly on his skin. Remus tenderly touched the glowing star. Sirius flinched from the touch. "Sorry." Remus pulled his hand away. "It's alright…" Remus mentally slapped himself for touching Sirius. Sirius wasn't used to friendly human contact, Remus and James had vowed to get him used to it though. "What happened next?" Peter asked eagerly. "He laid his horn on my shoulder. I swear he was smiling. '_I can speak freely with you now_.' He said. '_I know of your future young Lycan. You will die in the fight against the dark cousin. Yet you will be needed by many. I bless you with the unicorn gift of immortality_.'" Three pairs of eyes widened in finding out their friend could not die. "He then gave me a warning. '_There is one thing that can undo your life and one thing only. Your mate. Through your life there will be trials to see if they are worthy. You must wait until your schooling is over to claim your mate. Your mate will be the only one who can call you from the veil. They must understand your gift and must be sure they will stay with you through life and death. If your mate were to leave you for another the betrayal has the potency to kill you, if your mate dies you die.' _It's a bit scary to know that whoever my mate is has the power over my life…or death. The glowing died down. 'Are you okay?' I asked him. '_Nay, my time here is ending. I want you to have my horn to remember the unicorns.'_ Then he passed. I stayed with him until there was not breath left in his body. His horn lay on the ground as his body turned into grass, his hooves into saplings, and his mane and tail into roses." Sirius pulled out a glowing crystalline horn from the inner depths of his robes. Remus gasped, James gaped, and Peter reached out to touch it. Sirius pulled it away and claimed that he was putting it away.

Sirius put the horn safely in his trunk and put several charms on it to protect it. He went to bed after a shower and fell into a deep slumber. James followed and dropped into a 'if you tried to sleep this deep for to long you'd die' sleep. Peter's loud raspy snoring woke up Sirius, which surprised Remus seeing as how Sirius could sleep through a hurricane. Sirius got up, took his wand out from under his pillow, and walked to Peter's bed. Remus readied himself to intervene incase Sirius decided to curse Peter. Sirius put a silencing charm on Peter's bed and went back to his own. With Peter silenced Sirius dropped off into la la land.

Remus remembered that he still had Sirius' composition book with him. His curiosity got the better of his sense of privacy. He dove for the end of his bed, pulled his bag from off the trunk and pulled the book out of his bag. Remus opened it and flipped through the pages. It was filled with poetry and songs. Remus opened to one of the pages and read.

_Pale face_

_follows the wind_

_with sad eyes that shine bright_

_that looks at the moon every night_

_has fled._

__

_Scarred arms_

_cut again_

_by his own blade_

_spill his blood._

_One arm marred_

_by claws and fangs._

_The other an_

_intricate design_

_destined not to fade._

__

_It cracks again._

_The whip on my back._

_My eyes see red from rage and fury._

_White pain shakes my body._

_Her black laughter fills my ears._

_Silver bleeds through red._

_Bindings snap, the whip is caught._

_His knuckled fists snaps ribs._

_I collapse._

_Beaten and broken_

_I collapse._

_This torment is too much._

_Feet collide with my body._

_Purple bruises erupt on my flesh._

_Long canines elongate longer._

_"Stop!" she calls._

_It is not for me._

_It is for him._

_She does not want him bitten._

_The urge to bite gets stronger yet I get weaker._

_A wrist rises to my mouth._

_Once again I draw my own blood._

Remus rereads the last poem. He wonders if this is what goes on at home. Silently he pads over to James' bed and gently wakes him. "Remus?" He asked groggily. "Read the last one." Remus hands the book over. James' eyes grew wider by the sentence. "Is this Sirius'?" He asks. Remus nods. James walks over to Sirius' bed. He puts the book down on his trunk and kneels next to the bed. He pulls the duvet down some to expose Sirius arms. He picks up the left and sees brutal slashes from elbow to wrist. At his wrist is a roughly made bandage. James slowly removes it to find a fresh bite wound. Remus looks at his right arm to find an intricate design carved into the flesh. Chestnut eyes lock onto amber they share a silent agreement. They agree not to let Sirius know of their knowledge until they feel the need to.

Remus and James wake to the powerful chords of a cherry red guitar. They see Sirius pacing the length of the room playing a partly done song. Once in a while he'd go to his trunk and write something down. "Hey Dog-Star play for us!" James called out. "Um…ok." He flips threw the composition book to the song he decided to play.

"Mark said he could hold his own head up

and share his mind

with the peeling paint on the bedroom wall.

One step ahead of the pack of Marlboros.

Still, I don't believe he would take that fall.

Those things will put you back

some paychecks,

set you back about a year or two.

There's a sick little suicide in all that we do,

all that we do.

And the ground downtown is in a countdown,

no air anywhere in the area.

Suck back these take-home packs of euthanasia.

Youth in America…

There's a sick little suicide

in all that we do.

There's a sick little suicide

in all that we do…

you decide,

Which one's for you!?

Mark my words, oh, just a little more,

Sara said,

and subtly subsistence is suicide.

Exercise and malnutrition

keep curves tight,

'cause all that matters is what's outside.

So says every magazine cover

which gallantly assaults

our own women and children,

but it's not my fault,

it's never my fault.

We dare bury our three-square fare

in a twenty first century artery,

and feed beyond our need

so pardon me,

for this part of me."

Sirius finished his song and looked at them. "That was good." Remus said. "Does it have a name?" James asked. "Sick Little Suicide." Sirius took his guitar strap of his shoulder and put it away. "Did you write it?" James asked. "Did he write what?" Peter came into the dorm. "Sirius just played for us. So did you write it?" Remus asked. "Yeah, I write in my spare time at hell." Sirius said offhandedly. "At hell?" James questioned. "You don't expect me to call that place _home_ do you?" Sirius fired back. "If I knew why you called it that maybe I wouldn't ask stupid questions." James retorted. Sirius grunted in reply. "Is it really that bad?" Remus asked. "I'd rather live with Hades." Sirius swiped at his bedpost successfully breaking it. "Who?" James asked. "Greek god of the underworld." Sirius said absently. He pulled out his wand. Sirius repaired his bed post and flopped down onto his bed.


	8. The Bane of Mrs Norris

A/N: Sorry for the rather short chapter. Also I forgot that the song is not mine I borrowed it from The Matches, but the three poems are mine.

The next night James found out why Sirius called his little onyx kitten The Evil One. The boys had been lying on their beds in their dormitory reading, doing homework and other things. James had reached out to stroke the fuzzy black animal. She hissed and smacked his hand with her claws before biting into his thumb. James jerked his hand away and glared at the small kitten. He could have sworn she glared back at him. "I told you Midnight was evil." Sirius said not even looking up from his Transfiguration homework (which is the only homework he didn't do 5 hours before class). "You mean that little hellion has a name?" James asked while inspecting the small fang imprints on his thumb. Sirius looked at him like he was stupid. "Of coarse you didn't expect her to be call The Evil One did you? Cuz that would be a stupid name." Remus chuckled at them. "You should have her meet Mrs. Norris." It was the strongest desire of all students to give the stupid cat a good kick. "Hmm? That doesn't seem like a bad idea." Sirius said as he stroked his kitten. James didn't fail to notice that the feline didn't try to kill Sirius' hand but let it slid as he started to go along with the idea. "Yeah we could kidnap…" He began. "Catnap." Remus corrected. "Whatever. Anyway we could catnap her, bring her to the tower, set the Evil One on her and then return her to Filch."

It was settled. They would catnap Mrs. Norris, let Midnight on her and then return Mrs. Norris before Filch knew she was missing. Remus had been the one to find her. He froze the cat with the body bind curse and brought her to the tower. "Remus what are you doing with Mrs. Norris?" Lily Evens asked when he came in. "Letting her get the crap smacked out of her by Sirius' demon of a kitten." Remus said as he walked to the stairs. "How do you know Sirius' kitten will beat her up?" Lily asked but decided she didn't want to know the answer when a wolfish smile appeared on his face. "Come watch." Lily followed him and saw Mrs. Norris 'get the crap smacked out of her' as Remus put it. Actually Midnight bit, clawed and smacked Mrs. Norris. Sirius started to affectionately call Midnight The Bane of Mrs. Norris.

Midnight felt inclined to start following Sirius wherever he went. Why, he would never know. After thinking that she was successfully locked in the dorm Sirius went to Transfiguration. The lesson was going well until the class heard a small meow. They turned their heads at the same time and saw a little onyx kitten lope between the desks. She ran to Sirius and started rubbing her head against his leg. The girls all made annoying noises associated with cuteness. "Sorry Professor." He said as he picked up his kitten. "May I take her back to the common room?" Sirius asked. "You may after class." McGonagall said. The four boys where taken aback when she pet the fuzz ball and wasn't hissed at, bitten, or clawed. Midnight protested when they had to leave the class. Midnight refused to stay in the common room when Sirius went to Transfiguration so he started to bring her to class with him. __


	9. Return of the Cherry Red Guitar!

A/N: The two songs were written by The Matches, I use their songs a bit don't I, and the Stray Cats, they're an old band and I don't care. Any way italics are either thought or dream. Onwards with the story!

Sleep over took the exhausted boy. He fell asleep as soon as he lay down. Detention had worked its evil magic and caused his exhaustion. In exhaustion his mind wouldn't shut out his emotions, making him vulnerable to painful dreams of memory. Tonight would be no exception.

_Dinnertime at the Black residence could have never been more 'special'. The man now known as the Dark Lord was having dinner with them. All evening the Dark Lord had been going on about his goal for immortality and world domination. Everyone was listening with rapt attention, except one young boy of about 8. He was glaring at his plate throwing glances at the clock to make sure he was out of the way by 8:00. His mother caught him and stopped the glances with a glare. "Mama! Look at how big the moon is!" A younger boy pointed at the window. The elder looked out the window, fright showing in his golden feral eyes. Dropping his pure ivory fork he fled from the table to the cage in the basement._

_After closing himself in he changed into a beast. The basement door creaked open. Fresh human blood was waiting to be spilled. Human tormenters entered and stood around the cage. Each with thin wooden sticks out incase someone got to close and was on the verge of being bitten. The Dark Lord bent down with a household cleaning broom in hand. He pushed it between the bars of the cage and into the black and gray beast. Lycans are bad tempered by nature but sticking them with a broomstick was just asking for trouble. The Lycan bit down effectively snapping the broom in half. That wasn't enough. It happened in a flash. Claws dug into the Dark Lords arm and drug him closer to the cage. A beam of light flashed and the Lycan fell limp. _

Sirius woke with a start. He was shaking violently and was shimmering in a cold sweat. That dream was by far the worst. That was the memory of the night he was sold to the Dark Lord. Though he was against his family's ways for once he was thankful to his mother. If she hadn't stunned him he would have turned the Dark Lord. Sirius knew the one way to calm his nerves, though the other boys might not like it, he was going to play his guitar.

Remus and James woke to another wordless song that morning. Remus had heard it long before James did. '_Sirius must have had another nightmare.'_ He thought to himself. Sirius had one before and woke the other three boys by screaming in his sleep. He would play his guitar to calm himself. Yet this time the song was angry and violent. Sirius was so wrapped up in pouring his emotions into what he was playing he didn't realize that the other two had woke. James just listened to the heated sounds from the guitar. James was the only one that knew how to read the way Sirius played in the mornings. If the song was softer and gentle than Sirius was playing his softer emotions, this was one of the only ways to see him this way, if the song was harsh, angry and loud he was in either a 'mess with me and die' mood or another irate mood.

Peter jumped out of his bed and landed on the floor with a thud. James and Remus looked at him but Sirius kept playing his cherry guitar. "He's in a mood isn't he?" Peter said as he crawled onto Remus' bed. "He's been playing for hours now." Remus continued to watch Sirius play. "Sirius... SIRIUS!" James hollered over the guitar. "What?" He asked in a momentary lull of noise. "Breakfast." James climbed off his bed and waited for Sirius to put up his guitar. "I think I'm gonna play on the grounds after breakfast." He said as they sat down. "Make sure it's something appropriate." Sirius rolled his eyes at Remus.

As planed after breakfast Sirius went and got his guitar case and brought it down to the ground. A few muggle borns and half bloods knew what the case was and came outside. The pure bloods followed to see what was going on. Teachers even came outside to see what the commotion was about.

Sirius set up his guitar and amp. He was about to close the case but James stopped him, seeing the students coming down after them. "Leave it open." Sirius left it open and picked out the song he was going to play.

Out in the streets at all hours of the night  
Softly bathed in flickering dashboard lights  
Hey! There's no painless  
way to say  
that I pass on the piece of pie  
that you planned as mine  
I'm starving too but I'm hungry for life  
Not that life,  
But my life,  
It's my time  
My POS car with the radio playin'  
The graveyard jockey is on the air sayin'  
"Here's a new hot band outta Oakland..."  
And it's the sound  
of my way out  
  
We make noise  
What else could we choose?  
We're gonna be more than local boys  
And shake! shake! shake!  
The dust off these shoes  
  
I used to watch This kid  
turning wrenches next door  
He grew up  
Engines strewn across the oil stained floor  
I got a car  
The next year  
I knew better but let it fall  
into disrepair  
I gotta get away Gotta get away,  
Gotta get away from here  
But four wheels  
aren't going to get me there  
Summer time blues  
on the front porch swinger  
The jock says that  
The Rage got a new singer  
The first note  
rips through the speaker  
And it's the sound  
of my way out  
  
Yeah!  
We make noise  
What else could we choose?  
We're gonna be more than local boys  
And shake! shake! shake!  
The dust off these shoes  
We make noise  
What else could we choose?  
We're gonna be more than local boys  
And shake! shake! shake!  
The dust off these shoes...  
The dust off these shoes...  
  
We're the wolves  
Prowlin' the shadows of these worn down streets  
A rabid dose of ambition drives us to the books  
To the highways -  
To the low-way -  
To the air waves -  
We're all just tryin get a better look  
At what's beyond the tall grass  
That goes around this town  
I gotta see the world for myself  
And I only know one way to get out  
Pick up my ticket to any where but here  
It's got six strings and a soul  
I gotta get away, Gotta get away  
Gotta get away from here  
Turn it up, and rock right out of this whole  
  
We make noise  
What else could we choose?  
We're gonna be more than local boys  
And shake! shake! shake!  
The dust off these shoes  
We make noise  
What else could we choose?  
We're gonna be more than local boys  
And shake! shake! shake!  
The dust off these shoes  
Shake! Shake! Shake!

Cheers erupted from the on lookers when he finished. Cat calls where made and they shouted for an encore. "What should I play?" He asked the other three guys. "Uh how 'bout this one?" James said pulling out a random song. "Um.... Okay." He sounded a bit unsure about it.

Oooh, Oooh, Oooh, Oooh,  
Black and orange stray cat sittin' on a fence  
Ain't got enough dough to pay the rent  
I'm flat broke but I don't care  
I strut right by with my tail in the air  
  
Stray cat strut, I'm a ladies' cat,  
A feline Casanova, hey man, thats where its at  
Get a shoe thrown at me from a mean old man  
Get my dinner from a garbage can  
  
Yeah don't cross my path  
  
I don't bother chasing mice around  
I slink down the alley looking for a fight  
Howling to the moonlight on a hot summer night  
Singin' the blues while the lady cats cry,  
"Wild stray cat, you're a real gone guy."  
  
I wish I could be as carefree and wild,  
but I got cat class and I got cat style.  
  
I don't bother chasing mice around  
I slink down the alley looking for a fight  
Howling to the moonlight on a hot summer night  
Singin' the blues while the lady cats cry,  
"Wild stray cat, you're a real gone guy."  
  
I wish I could be as carefree and wild,  
but I got cat class and I got cat style.

"Say what were those called?" Peter asked as they walked up to the castle. "Um the first was Mehr als lokale Jungen und der andere war Streukatze-Spreize." They looked at him in confusion. "I did it again didn't I?" He asked, sometimes he would slip into German and not realize it. They nodded. "Oh, well I said the first was More Than Local Boys and the other was Stray Cat Strut." "Oh" They said together. Sirius chuckled.


	10. Imperfection and Lots of Letters

A/N: Sorry for the wait I had writers block. So here is a nice hopefully long chapter for you. Underlined type like this is the wolf talking to Remus

At the end of term the boys were in their dorm silently waiting for the carriages. Sirius was pacing like an agitated animal in a cage. "Sirius stop it you're making me sick." Peter yelled finally. "Sorry." Sirius sat down and started biting his fingernails. "Don't bite your nails." James learned from his mom that biting your fingernails was gross. "Let's go get a carriage." Remus said finally to distract Sirius. Sirius pulled out his composition book to write something in it. Remus and James stared at it for a moment. Peter raised an eyebrow at them. "What are you writing Sirius?" James asked out of curiosity. "A song, I write all sorts of songs in this." He forced a fake smile. "Can I look?" Peter asked. "No!" Sirius said quickly. "I mean no there's some stuff I don't want others to read." Sirius put on another forced smile.

As Sirius stepped through the door of his _house_ a club struck him in the ribs. "Regulus you dunce you wait till the door is closed first." His mother screeched. Dully he noticed his mother never spoke she always screeched. Sirius knew better than to ask why he was hit and just waited for another blow. "Sirius _darling..._" His mother started. 'Aw crap.' Sirius thought. When his mother called him darling it always meant something bad. "Yes _mother_?" He spat the word like poison. "Put you trunk upstairs and come to the den." Sirius drug his trunk to his room and went to the den. In his mother's hand was a Cat Tails 9. His brother was smiling maliciously and his father stood by the couch. As he approached his mother cracked the whip. One of the 9 tails struck his face beside his eye, ripping the skin and causing a torrent of blood to spill. Instinctively he hid his face and turned his back to her.

Eventually he lost count of the whiplashes. His brother whined when his mother let him go without a good clubbing. Once he got to his room he locked the door and went to his bed. The material of his robes was making his lashes sting so he pulled them off. After discarding the robes in the corner Sirius reached under his floorboard and pulled out a knife. He drew it horizontally across his left palm. Sirius watched his blood flow down his palm. If there was one thing he had in common with his brother it was that he liked to see himself bleed. Sadistic...yes, stupid...most definitely. Sirius went over to his trunk and got his composition book out. Turning to the new song he wrote in the carriage Sirius looked at what he called it. _Perfect_ the exact opposite of what he was in his parents' eyes. Angrily he smeared his blood across the page. Rolling up his left sleeve and taking the knife he carved what he was into his flesh; Imperfect. On his wall he wrote, in his own blood, Imperfect. He heard his dad outside his door and began to sing his new song softly but loud enough for his father to hear him.

Hey dad look at me.  
Think back and talk to me  
Did I grow up according to plan?  
And do you think I'm wasting my time...  
Doing things I wanna do  
But it hurts when you disapprove all along.  
  
And now I try hard to make it  
I just want to make you proud  
I'm never gonna be good enough for you  
I can't pretend that I'm alright  
And you can't change me  
  
Cuz we lost it all  
Nothing lasts forever  
I'm sorry I can't be perfect  
Now it's just too late  
And we can't go back  
I'm sorry I can't be perfect  
  
I try not to think  
About the pain I feel inside  
Did you know you used to be my hero?  
All the days you spent with me  
Now seem so far away  
And it feels like you don't care anymore  
  
And now I try hard to make it  
I just want to make you proud  
I'm never gonna be good enough for you  
I can't stand another fight  
And nothing's alright  
  
Cuz we lost it all  
Nothing lasts forever  
I'm sorry I can't be perfect  
Now it's just too late  
And we can't go back  
I'm sorry I can't be perfect  
  
Nothing's gonna change the things that you said  
Nothing's gonna make this right again  
Please don't turn your back  
I can't believe it's hard just to talk to you  
But you don't understand  
  
Cuz we lost it all  
Nothing lasts forever  
I'm sorry I can't be perfect  
Now it's just too late  
And we can't go back  
I'm sorry I can't be perfect  
  
Cuz we lost it all  
Nothing lasts forever  
I'm sorry I can't be perfect  
Now it's just too late  
And we can't go back  
I'm sorry I can't be perfect

As he finished an owl swooped into his room. He didn't recognize the owl but he did recognize the seal on the back. It was from James. Sirius had to reread the letter to get what it said through his head.

_Hey Sirius,_

_James here. Just wanted to let you know that you're staying the last two weeks for summer. We sent a letter to your parental units too. If your parents approve then send an answer back with Singapore pronto. We'll come and get you or send you a portkey or something. If your parents don't approve send this letter back with Singapore pronto and we'll get you here anyway._

_The Fabulous James Henry Potter_

_JHP_

"SIRIUS ORION BLACK GET DOWN HERE THIS INSTANT!" His mother screeched. 'They got the letter then.' Sirius thought franticly. "COMING!" Throwing his robes on and shoving his hand into his pocket Sirius ran down stairs. "What is the meaning of this?" Her voice was deadly calm. "It looks like a letter." He regretted that when, for the second time that day, he was struck across the face. "Do not speak to me in such a manner." She pulled her hand back as if to hit him again. His mother noticed his hand in his pocket. "What is in that?" Sirius muttered 'nothing' but his mom didn't believe him. "Show me." She ordered. Sirius pulled his hand out and showed it to his mother. As she inspected the cut his sleeve fell towards his elbow and exposed part of his cut forearm. "What does this mean?" Was his mother stupid or what? "It means I am imperfect." He said softly. "Your father says you serenaded him with a song. He says you said he was your hero, when was this?" She found out everything and Sirius hated her for it. "When I was five before I was flecking cursed before I got flecking beaten and before I found out how bad your flecking beliefs were." His mouth once again answered before his brain. More than angry with him she coated her fingers in salt and rubbed them on his forearm. He tried to jerk away but it was useless. "You can go to this Potter's house but you won't be fed for two weeks. Now get out of my sight before I beat you again." Sirius ran off to his bedroom.

He pulled out some bandages and disinfectant while silently thanking God the full moon was last week. 'Who ever made disinfectant was either trying to cause pain or was trying to get people to stop getting hurt.' Sirius thought as he wrote to James.

James was half asleep when Singapore dropped an envelope on his head. On the back was a wolf/star seal. 'It must be from Sirius.' He thought before reading the letter.

_James,_

_The parental units say I can come. One thing, the full moon is the week I'm supposed to come, it's on Wednesday. Also don't be surprised if I have bruises when I get there. _

_Prisoner of Hell_

_P.S. Who ever made disinfectant was either deliberately trying to cause pain of was trying to convince people to stop getting hurt._

_POH, AKA; S.O.B or Sirius Orion Black _

'Don't be surprised if I have bruises, that doesn't sound good. What was he disinfecting? S.O.B? OH, son of a beotch, ha ha I get that one now!' Were just some of the thoughts that ran through his mind before the big one hit. 'The full moon is during the week of my arrival it's Wednesday. Crap Sirius is supposed to transform at my house. Maybe Remus could have him over Wednesday till he heals and then both stay the last week at my house? Yeah I'll ask mom.' With that thought in his head he went downstairs. "James, honey, is something wrong? It's midnight." His mother asked after he knocked on the door. "Mom I need to talk to you about a few of my knew friends." James waited for his mom to come out of the room and followed her to the kitchen.

"Well first of all Sirius can stay with us." He started. "That's good." His mother was told about the young Black and generally liked him already. "Second he is a Lycan and would have to transform." His mother's mouth dropped open. "Another of our friends is a werewolf so I was thinking that on the full moon he could stay with our other friend till they heal from their wounds of transformation and then stay the last week with us." James let his mother soak in what he said. It took her a moment but then she smiled good-naturedly. "Of course honey, write your other Lycan friend and ask if it's okay. If it is then write back to Sirius and tell him." She gave James a hug and went back to bed. 'Well that went better than I thought it would.' He went upstairs to write.

Remus woke up and stretched. On his desk was an envelope and in Paris's cage was Singapore. He grabbed the letter and went to breakfast. "Good morning Remy." His mother said to him, using the much-hated pet name. '_I bet if HE called you Remy you wouldn't mind_' the wolf said. 'Oh shut up.' He thought back at it. "What's that you've got there dear?" She asked. Remus flipped it over to look at the seal. It was from James. "It's a letter from James. One of my friends from school." Remus broke the seal and read the letter.

_Moony, _

_I got the name from Sirius blame him; I have a question for you. Sirius_ _is staying at my house for the last two weeks of summer. That's when the moon is full. Do you think it would be okay if he stayed with you for the moon and till you both healed? You are welcome at my house for the last week of summer._

_The Fabulous James Henry Potter_

_JHP_

Remus reread the letter. "What's it say dear?" His mother was curious to know what his friend wanted to know. "Can Padfoot stay for the moon, he's another werewolf so I can't hurt him. Also for the last week of summer can I stay at James's house?" He asked. "What do you think David?" His mother asked. "I think it'll be fine Molly, as long as we stay in the house the boy's will be fine in the forest." His father said. "Write your friends and tell them. Also I guess you can stay the last week at James' s house." His mother gave him a quill and a couple of pieces of parchment.

Singapore flew in James's window. He dropped a letter before going into his cage for a rest. James stroked the owl's feathers while he read the short note from Remus.

_James, _

_Mom and dad said Padfoot (Sirius's wolf name) could stay with us._

_I sent a note to Padfoot with Paris, she needed something to do and Singapore is tired. They also said I could stay with you._

_Moony_

_P.S. Have you noticed we all sign these things differently?_

_R.J. Lupin_

James hadn't noticed that they all signed their notes differently. Sirius received an owl later that day. It was Moony's owl Paris. "Hey Paris." Sirius stroked the owl with a pale hand. The two weeks of starvation were almost up so he could eat soon and regain his color. Sirius took her note and she flew off.

_Padfoot,_

_This is Remus. You are stay with me on the next full moon. I told James already. Mom is dieing to meet you. Why...I have no flecking clue. Dad wants to meet you too. Oh and when you get here don't let Romulus, older brother, get under your skin, he's the worlds biggest prat and the worlds smallest snack. Sorry bout that last quote the wolf thought it and I just wrote it down. Anyway I'll see you soon._

_Moony_

_R.J.Lupin_


	11. Transformations

A/N: Show of hands, who thought James' owl's name was Singapore pronto until after James got Sirius' letter?

Sirius approached the Potter's house. '_Call this a house? More like mansion_.' The wolf scratched at him trying to break through his barriers to the surface. '_I swear if I were to die right now and they were to look at the inside of my skull they would find claw marks from you._' The wolf snorted and lay down. Sirius knocked on the door and waited. He heard a skid and crash from inside the house. The large oak door was flung open to reveal James. He was a bit dazed looking. "What'd you run into?" Sirius asked. "The door." James answered. If it had been anyone else he would have flushed but since it was Sirius he didn't. Both cracked up before James pulled Sirius into a tight hug. Sirius yelped and James pulled away. "What's wrong?" A concerned look washed over his face. Before Sirius could answer Mrs. Potter came to the door. "James who's at the door?" She stopped when she saw Sirius. "You must be young Sirius Black. James has told us about you." Sirius found the porch very interesting. "Mrs. Potter," He started. "Oh call me Brigit, Mrs. Potter makes me feel old." She smiled. "You're a healer right?" Brigit's smile fell. "You're not hurt are you?" Her mother instincts came bubbling to the surface. "I think I may have a few cracked ribs." He didn't know why but he trusted Brigit Potter immediately. "James pull his trunk inside. Sirius go sit on the couch while I grab my medical kit." Sirius stepped inside and looked around. "Whoa." He said as he saw how big each room was. Upon finding the living room he sat down. James entered the room followed by his mom. "Alright dear I'm going to have to ask you to remove your shirt." After Brigit said this Sirius looked away and bit his lower lip.

"What's wrong?" She asked him. "I have a lot of scars." Sirius said quietly. He didn't want his best friend's mom to see the scars, weather they be self-inflicted or not. She thought that he must have some pretty bad looking scars to be this self conscious about them. Brigit pulled out her wand and muttered a spell. "There now I won't see them." Sirius thanked her and pulled off his long sleeve muggle shirt. A few bruises were as plain as Lily's hair was red. The ribs weren't cracked they were broken; it was now obvious by the odd angle in his chest and noticeable labored breathing. "Sirius what happened? These are broken not cracked." Brigit was surprised that Sirius couldn't feel that they were broken, either that or he told the half-truth because something bad happened. "I don't really want to talk about it." Brigit let it drop but gave James a look that was screaming 'find out what happened.'

Just as Brigit was finished healing Sirius a thumping could be heard from the staircase. Sirius snapped his head around and almost gave himself whiplash. Feet were they only visible body part of the person coming down the stairs. Sirius growled softly. His eyes began to slowly go to liquid gold. "Julie either come down all the way or stay up there." James yelled. "Who?" Sirius asked. "Sister." James rolled his eyes. Julie came down stairs but froze with her mouth hanging open. The three kids sat and stared at each other, Brigit had left before Julie made it downstairs. "James can we go, Julie's getting little droplets of drool." Sirius asked quietly. "Yeah let's go. Now." Sirius and James got up and sprinted to James' room. "Uh James?" Sirius said leaning against the door. "Yeah?" James asked flopping onto his bed. "Were am I sleeping and my trunk, cat and owl are still downstairs." Sirius came and sat down. "Not to mention my shirt and I kinda need that if we want to go downstairs and not have to worry about Julie." James whistled shrilly. In a poof of smoke there was a house elf. "Missy can you and some others bring Sirius's trunk, owl, and cat to the guest room across the hall. Oh and send his shirt up to." James asked her. "Missy will do sirs. Missy is good house elf." Another poof of smoke and a small crack and Missy was gone. "Wait for it." There was a loud crack and then a smaller crack. A house elf bowed and set the now folded shirt on the bed.

Remus was reading when he heard a crash in the living room. He got up and went to said room. "Sirius?" The person that came through the fireplace looked at him. "I hate floo powder." Sirius smiled after brushing the soot off of him. "Maman! Sirius est ici! (Mama! Sirius is here!)" Remus yelled to his mother in French. "Oh il est, me laisser recevoir votre père et frère. (Oh he is, let me get your father and brother.)" Sirius stood there with a confused look on his face. "Was zum Teufel sagen Sie Rem? (What the hell are you saying Rem?)" Not knowing German Remus said: "One more time...in English." "What the hell are you saying Rem." Sirius repeated. "You must be Sirius." A plump woman said rounding the corner into the living room. "Hello Mrs. Lupin, yes I am Sirius." Sirius bowed slightly to her. "Ooh poli et élégant. (Ooh polite and handsome.)" Remus was thankful Sirius didn't know French. "Maman!" Remus yelled. "Oh Remus you mother is just playing." A tall pale-ish man walked into the room. "Hello Mr. Lupin." Mr. Lupin shook the offered hand. "Where's Romulus?" Mrs. Lupin asked. "Backyard." Mr. Lupin replied. "I guess you'll meet him later." She said and turned to Remus. "Remus show him were he sleeps and the you can do what ever."

Mrs. Lupin watched from her bedroom window as the two boys in the backyard screamed in pain of the transformation. Each piercing cry turned to a wolfish howl. The large black/gray 1 wolf dog through back his head and gave an irate cry. The smaller gray/brown 2 snarled at it. Suddenly they were clawing and biting each other. Mrs. Lupin cried out for her husband as the black bit down hard on the brown's ruff.

Moony rolled Padfoot off and stood above him. Using an old trick Padfoot pushed all four of his paws against Moony's throat. Moony back off of him but didn't give up the fight. Padfoot slammed his shoulder into Moony's, knocking Moony from his feet. Standing over him Padfoot bit down on Moony's muzzle and gave it a rough shake. After being let up Moony tucked his tail between his legs, lowered his body to the ground and licked Padfoot's muzzle. Happy with the submission Padfoot wagged his tail and set off towards the forest. Moony followed him.

Mrs. Lupin looked out the window 2 minutes before sunrise. She saw the two wolves uncurled themselves and stretched. Then the howls became screams as the wolves changed to boys. Quickly she grabbed her Wolf's Aid kit and went to the back yard. She went to work on Sirius first and then Remus. Sirius yawned. Mrs. Lupin suppressed a gasp when she saw how long his canines were. "You boys should go to bed, I'll wake you in a bit."

1 Sirius' coat is black with gray hairs thrown in. 2 Gray is the dominate color in Remus' coat but has brown in it.


	12. A Coma and The Order of the Forks

Sirius yawned and stretched. He got dressed and went to Remus' room. "You up yet Rem?" He called. Remus grunted from inside. "Come on Rem we're going to James' house today." Remus grunted again. Sirius turned the doorknob it was locked. "Don't make me do this Remus." Remus didn't respond. Sirius pulled a bobby pin from under his hair. He bent down, inserted the bobby pin in the lock and listened to the lock. It unlocked and the door opened. "How'd you do that?" Remus asked from his bed. "I've gotten myself locked in my room enough times to know how to get back out. Now get up." Sirius left the room.

The boys spent the last week of summer at James' house and were on the train to school. Soon after the train started there were crashing sounds outside the compartment. Remus looked around and noticed Sirius was missing. He through the door open just as Sirius and Snape crashed to the ground in a muggle duel. "Sirius!" Remus yelled as Malfoy pulled out his wand. It was to late. Sirius was hit with the curse and flung into a wall. There was a resounding crack as his head hit the wall. He slid down the wall at was lying unconscious at its base when prefects started to pour out of compartments. Remus smelt blood. He looked at Sirius' unconscious form. Red was staining the wall where his head first made contact and there was a streak running down the wall. Sirius' black hair was slick from blood. "He's bleeding!" Remus called as he ran to Sirius. A Ravenclaw prefect pushed him out of the way and took off her cloak.

She bundled it up and gently pushed it against the back of Sirius' head. "Hold this Lupin." She ordered. "I'm going to tell the driver." She and a Gryffindor prefect went to the front of the train. Remus' blood boiled with rage. James was kneeling next to him. There was only one word that could describe James: livid. Lily bent down and took their wands, Sirius's too. She was sure that any second stem would start coming out of James' ears. Remus' iris' went from their normal honey amber color to pure gold. A moan from Sirius kept him there. Sirius' eyes fluttered open and stayed open for a moment before closing again from blood loss. The cloak under his head was completely soaked.

The train pulled to a stop and McGonagall, Ganush, and Dumbledore came onto the train. McGonagall was enraged. She grabbed Malfoy by the ear turned him over her knee and smacked his backside a far few times before handing him off to Dumbledore. Ganush stopped the bleeding and healed Sirius' head. Sirius was levitated into the first carriage. The three adults and Malfoy joined him. McGonagall was holding the unconscious twelve year old like she would a young child.

Dumbledore and Malfoy went to Dumbledore's office to get the expulsion paper work done. Ganush took Sirius to the hospital wing and McGonagall went to the great hall to take care of the sorting and telling the students the rules and such.

Sirius was sent to St. Mungo's three days later. The Gryffindors were exceedingly subdued. Friday night three weeks after Sirius was sent to St. Mungo's the doors to the Great Hall opened. All heads turned to the doors. All the students began to go wild as a certain Gryffindor walked to his table. The Gryffindors were going round the bend. The teachers were politely applauding his return, except McGonagall who started crying. Lily threw her arms around his neck sobbing. Remus wrapped his arms around him going hysterical. Peter hit gently on the back a few times. James pulled him into a hug and lost it completely. The only ones that weren't happy were of course the Slytherins.

Sirius smiled and sat down. He hadn't eaten for nearly three weeks and was hungry. His body was thinner from transforming while unconscious. Even though he was starving he still ate slowly and with manners. Sirius knew from past experiences that to eat a lot and eat fast you could harm yourself and make yourself sick.

"Hey guys let's start a tradition." Sirius said out of the blue while they got ready for bed. "Like what?" James asked. "I dunno but let's call our selves The Order of the Forks." Sirius said. "The what?" Remus looked skeptical. "That could work." James reached over and grabbed an old quill. "Transfigure that into a fork Sirius." He said tossing the quill to his best friend. Sirius did so and gave it back to James. "Now do these three." Sirius did as he was told. "Know we need a theme song." James said with a spark in his eyes. Remus mumbled something after a short silence. "What was that Rem?" James asked. "We are, we are, we are, we are The Order of the Forks. We are, we are, we are, we are The Order of the Forks." Remus repeated while feeling quiet stupid. "Let's say woohoo after Forks." James said thinking it over. "Oh we could walk around the room and jump when we say woohoo." Peter added. "Oh, oh, oh! For initiation we could say 'Stand up please, on your chair please, bend over please, POKE!' and poke them in the backside with our special OotF forks." Sirius said. "How are we going to tell these forks from the ones in the hall?" Peter asked. "Use your eyes Peter OotF is engraved on them." James said and Sirius rolled his eyes. "Let's initiate the head boy tomorrow evening." James said as he lay down. "Who is the head boy?" Sirius asked. "Alez Burberry." Remus said lying down as well. The boys fell asleep.

In the evening at dinner the boys waited till everyone was immersed in conversation or their food. Sirius had the OotF fork in his pocket for Alez. They took out their own OotF forks and stood up. They began to walk around the room chanting their OotF theme. "Stand up please." They chanted when they stopped at Alez. Alez stood up hesitantly. "On your chair please." Alez was getting nervous now. "Bend over please." Alez was flat out scared as he bent over. "Poke!" The boys called and poked Alez in the backside with their special OotF forks. "We welcome you to The Order of the Forks. Here is you Order of the Forks fork." Sirius handed the fork to him. The entire Great Hall cracked up at that one. "We need a name for ourselves." Sirius said as they entered the common room. "We have one." James said. "No I mean like for just us four." Sirius responded. "The Marauders?" Remus asked. The other three looked at him. "Well that's basically what we do, marauder." There were the appropriate murmurs of 'yeah basically', 'I guess you're right', and coming from Peter 'I like ice cream.' That one got funny looks.

Remus walked down the stairs to the common room just before sunrise. Sirius had for some reason fallen asleep in the big, brown, rocking chair in the corner. (Not one of those old lady rocking chairs, kinda like a Lazy Boy chair that rocks) His legs were pulled up close to his body and moved when he breathed. He had his head resting on his knees with his hair flopped in his face. In the sunrise Remus could see the actual color of Sirius' hair. It was so dark that it was actually a very deep blue mixed with black and when the sun hit it right there seemed to be a incredibly dark purple thrown in. Under the closed shades were eyes that held a puzzling glint in their dazzling blue silver irises. Remus crept over to the chair and knelt down. Gently he pushed the dark locks away from Sirius' face. "Wake up Padfoot." He whispered. Sirius didn't rouse. "Padfoot wake up." Remus whispered gently shaking Sirius' shoulder. Blue-silver eyes fluttered open. "Come on go upstairs." Remus helped Sirius up to his bed. As Remus turned away to go back to his own bed Sirius grabbed him. He pulled Remus down and pressed his lips gently to Remus' forehead. Remus thought nothing of it considering Sirius was more than half asleep and probably didn't know what he was doing. Little did he know Sirius knew what he was doing.


	13. Sooner or Later

A/N: I have desided to take pity upon you and update.

James and Remus were sitting in the common room when they heard a series of crashes and screams of "Ahhhh!" and "He's gonna kill me!" "I take it Peter tried to wake Sirius." James said. "Sounds like." Remus added. "Should we save him?" "Nah, he needs to learn that waking the sleeping beast is dangerous." James said and went back to the Quidditch magazine he was reading. Finally there was a thump as Peter was thrown out of the dorm and down the stairs. "Why didn't you two help me?" Peter demanded. "Simple, you should have known waking the sleeping beast is bad for your health, everyone else knew." James replied. "Oh." Was the only thing Peter could say. A disgruntled Sirius walked down to the common room looking like he was about to curse any and everyone who peeved him. "What time is it?" Sirius said yawning. "6:45" Remus answered. Sirius turned on Peter. "You woke me up at 6:30 in the morning! Merlin Peter breakfast isn't even until 9." His azure eyes bleeding to silver. "Hey, buddy calm down." James said pulling Sirius into a chair. Sirius was grinding his teeth and staring at Peter. "I've gotta go hex something." He said around 7 and got up. Sirius went upstairs. The other four sat for a minute. "Guys, he's hexing something in our dorm." Remus said. "Yeah I realized that." James told him. "Wait in the dorm!" They said in harmony. Both got up and ran to their dorm.

"Oh hey guys." Sirius said as they rushed in the dorm. "What'd you hex?" James asked. "Oh just Pete's bed." He said nonchalantly. "What did the hex going to do?" Remus questioned. "It's gonna buck him out of bed every time he starts to fall asleep. Oh and the spell is in German so only I know the counter curse…er counter hex. Unless of course one of you knows German or the Latin version of the hex." Sirius said as he sat on his own bed. '_I wouldn't mind being bucked around on your bed._' Remus thought.'_Holy hell and above where did thatcome from?!_' Sirius yawned and sneezed. "Bless you." James said from habit. "Thanks." Sirius replied. "So what are we planning on doing till breakfast?" Remus asked. Suddenly he didn't want to know do to the glint in Sirius and James' eye. "You thinkin' what I'm thinkin'?" James asked. "If it has to do with singing and a whole house of Slytherins then you bet." Sirius said. "What are you two planning?" Remus asked cautiously. "Making the Slytherins burst out singing at random moments throughout the day." James said. "Only they sing like they're from Broadway and with the last sentence they said." Sirius added. "Oh Merlin, you're not serious are you. No pun intended." He said as an after thought. "For a minuet I thought you were going to say pun intended. Do you know how over used that gets?" Sirius asked. "Come on we've got to go set up in the Great Hall!" James said dragging them away.

That afternoon after classes and the Slytherins bursting out in song at random and usually inappropriate times, the boys went onto the lawn, guitar case in hand. They waited until the students came out.

I'm tired of being what you want me to be  
Feeling so faithless, lost under the surface  
I don't know what you're expecting of me  
Put under the pressure, of walking in your shoes  
Caught in the undertone, just caught in the undertone  
Every step that I take is another mistake to you  
Caught in the undertone, just caught in the undertone

I've become so numb  
I can't feel you there  
I've become so tired, so much more aware  
I'm becoming this, all I want to do  
Is be more like me and be less like you

Can't you see that you're smothering me?  
Holding too tightly, afraid to lose control  
Cause everything that you thought I would be  
Has fallen apart, right in front of you  
Caught in the undertone, just caught in the undertone  
Every step that I take is another mistake to you  
Caught in the undertone, just caught in the undertone  
And every second I waste is more than I can take

I've become so numb  
I can't feel you there  
I've become so tired, so much more aware  
I'm becoming this, all I want to do  
Is be more like me and be less like you

And I know  
I may end up failing too  
But I know  
You were just like me  
With someone disappointed in you

I've become so numb  
I can't feel you there  
I've become so tired, so much more aware  
I'm becoming this, all I want to do  
Is be more like me and be less like you

I've  
Become so numb  
I can't feel you there  
I'm tired of being what you want me to be  
I've become so numb  
I can't feel you there  
I'm tired of being what you want me to be

"You know Black by playing that infernal thing you're lowering yourself to the mudbloods level." Snape said. "I'd rather be on a _muggle-born's _level rather than yours because frankly that's quiet a bit higher." Sirius said as he packed up. "You son of a muggle!" To most purebloods that was the worst of insults. Sirius stood up and looked at Snape, his eyes holding all honesty. "I'd rather be the son of a muggle than the son of my own mother." Sirius said, picked up his guitar case and stormed to his dorm.

Sirius charmed his curtains so that his shadow couldn't be seen, put a silencing charm on, and put a German freezing charm on the curtains so that they wouldn't be opened. He pulled out a knife from under his mattress. He pulled up his left sleeve and rested the blade against his wrist. Pushing gently he made a shallow cut hissing in pain yet sighing in bliss. He moved the knife about an inch away and cut a bit deeper. After the third cut the pain went away. With each cut the knife went deeper. The final cut going very deep and spilling much blood near his elbow. Hearing the tell tale signs of James and the others he put the knife up and hastily wrapped a bandage around his forearm. He had just taken the silencing charm off when they stepped into the dorm. "Hey, are you going to be okay, that was a pretty nasty insult." Remus asked. "I'll be fine." Sirius said wearily. "Are you sure you're alright you don't look to good." James said. "I'm fi…" Sirius passed out from the loss of blood. "Guys I smell blood." Remus said smelling the air. James walked over to his unconscious friend. He pulled up the left sleeve and saw a blood soaked bandage wrapped around it. "I found out why." James said. "Remus get Ganush. Quickly." Remus ran out of the room and appeared moments later with the matron. "Oh my God! How did this happen?" She demanded while knocking James away. "He's a cutter." James said looking away. "Poor boy, if there's one thing that should go right in his life we should all be grateful. Stick with him boys he'll need you sooner or later." She said as she healed him and took him to the ward.


	14. He's up again!

A/N: I'm back for more, though I am a little P.O.ed, that not many people reviewed my last chapter.

Elizabeth Turner –Thank you for reviewing, I'm very glad you stopped. Oh and this is just a random fact but, Elizabeth is my middle name.

Skyla Gerdes-Sorry I confused you. The reason Sirius cut because of Snape's comment will be clarified in this chapter.

Sirius woke up feeling relieved yet still in pain. The feelings of despair, hatred, and sadness from Snape's comment about his family had gone but the pain of having his friends find out about his cutting made him angry, sad, and somehow betrayed. Sirius laid his head on his knees and grunted angrily because now he was confused. He heard the door crack open and his head snapped up. James and Remus' scents entered his nose and he relaxed slightly. James sat down by the bed and Remus sat on the other side. "Anything you'd like to talk about?" Remus asked somewhat bitterly. Sirius grunted and slammed his head against his knees. "You know every time you do that you loose three brain cells." James said. Sirius looked at him and smiled a small smile. "You'd have figured it out sooner or later Moony. I'm sorry I didn't tell you." Sirius said looking at his hands. "We'll help you stop, won't we Moony?" Remus nodded. "It'll be hard, I've been doing it for a long time." Sirius said looking at his bandaged arm. "What made you do it this time?" Remus asked cautiously not wanting to upset the bigger male.

"I may not have shown it, but Snape's comment hurt, it hurt bad. It made me feel despair because my family doesn't flecking care and rage that they sold me to Voldemort and don't even care when he tries to rape me!" Sirius' voice had grown louder and then he covered his mouth with his hands. "You weren't supposed to know that last part." He said in a muffled tone due to his hands. Sirius bent his head down so that his long dark hair would fall in his face. "Sirius?" James said softly. Sirius put his head against his knees again. "Sirius are you alright?" Remus asked. Sirius' body began to shudder as he broke down. James and Remus put an arm around Sirius. James looked at Remus with eyes that screamed for them to help. Remus' own eyes were gold with anger at Sirius' parents and Voldemort. Sirius' head snapped up and a growl rumbled from the depths of his throat. James backed away, afraid of getting bitten. Remus looked around for the cause of the sudden change. It was Peter, standing in the doorway. Remus looked at Sirius' eyes. They were liquid silver. Obviously in his momentary breakdown the wolf had broken through the barriers constructed to keep it controlled and was now on the prowl. Remus began to whisper soothing words to Padfoot calming the wolf enough for Sirius to gain control. "Sorry 'bout that." Sirius said as the nurse came out. "Ah, good you're awake. Take this and you can go." She pulled out a thick green looking potion. Sirius gagged when he took it.

The boys left and went to the common room. "Okay Sirius, the first way to quit is to get rid of this." Remus said pulling the knife out from under Sirius' bed. "Zerbröckeln klinge." Sirius said pointing to the knife's blade. The blade disintegrated into ash. James and Remus raised an eyebrow. "German crumbling charm. Only know by me, I made it." James and Remus' jaws hit the floor. "You made a spell? **You** _made_ a spell?" James asked stunned. Sirius nodded. "That's very advance magic." Remus said still a little dumbstruck. "Yeah but I've been working on it for ages." Sirius said offhandedly. "Now when ever you feel like _biting_ yourself, snap this." Remus said putting a rubber band around Sirius' wrist. A flutter invaded Remus' stomach when he touched Sirius' skin and when Sirius smiled at him.


	15. Turning

A/N: Damn, sorry about not updating for so long. Life through me a few curve balls but I've got it all sorted out now. Anyway, thanks to all my reviewers. Sorry this is so short but I got writters block not long after starting this chapter and am working on like 50 billion other plot bunnies.

Sirius ran his hand through his ebony hair while heaving a sigh. The rubber band around his wrist snagged one of his raven locks. In a fit of irritation the dark werewolf grabbed the band and gave it a sharp tug. The elastic gave out instantly under the teen's unnatural strength. Sirius glared at the length of rubber as if it were the cause for all his problems. The twelve-year old tossed the rubber band behind him and continued on his homework. Internally Padfoot was restless, constantly trying the barriers of his mental prison.

Sirius went into the 2nd year Gryffindor boy's bathroom and looked in the mirror. Instead of his reflection he was staring into the silver eyes of Padfoot.

"I can't let you out right now. The full moon is soon so you can play then." Sirius said softly to his reflection.

"Out. Now!" Padfoot demanded. The wolf in the mirror swiped at Sirius with a large paw. Welts appeared on his face. Stunned and more than a little scared Sirius thought it best if he told Professor Dumbledore about this new development.

"It appears that Padfoot is gaining power. I believe that because you were bitten by more than one wolf, your own has certain powers over your mind and body. I will speak with Madam Ganush about this, in the mean time try to keep an eye on him." Professor Dumbledore said wisely. Sirius nodded and retreated from the headmaster's quarters.

"Where've you been?" James asked as Sirius walked into the dorm.

"I was talking to Dumbledore." Sirius replied. "Padfoot is getting stronger."

"That's bad, right?" Peter asked. Neither wolf nor boy liked Peter very much. On his bad days, usually near the moon, Sirius/Padfoot would have a go at the mousy boy.

"No Peter, that's good. Of course it's bad you twit." Sirius snapped.

"Sirius, be nice." Remus reprimanded gently. Sirius snorted and changed into his pajamas. Before lying down, Sirius circled on his hands and knees a few times then flopped down in a ball. James rolled his eyes heaven words and shook his head in amusement at the distinctly dog-like behaviour.

_A set of black haired boys was playing by the woods at their aunt's estate. They were obviously related. The eldest was about 6 and the younger was around 4. Something in the woods caught the attention of the older boy. Suddenly a pack of monstrous wolves leapt out of the trees._

"_Run, Reggie, Run!" The younger boy, Regulus, or Reggie as his brother called him, took off towards the house. Sirius, the elder, ran in another direction, keeping the wolves attention on him. After running for a few minutes Sirius turned towards the house. At the exact moment the wolves attacked him. The 6 wolves viciously attacked each other and the boy, each wanting the right to kill the boy. Unexpectedly the 6 wolves dropped to the ground. A man was running out of the shadows, wand drawn, to the boy. The man was obviously his father._

Sirius sat ramrod strait in his bed, a cold sweat soaking his sheets. In the back of his mind Padfoot whimpered softly. The wolf didn't like that dream and neither did the boy. Shakily Sirius looked around, a low, distressed whine rose in his throat. He felt Padfoot's trembling through his body, mixing with his own shaking, causing him to shake so hard that his mattress shook as well.

Remus sat up sleepily, unease coursed through his veins. Sleep was wiped from his mind when the low whine emitted from his Sire reached his ears. Remus turned his amber gaze to Sirius and his unease turned to anxiety. It was not the visible shaking, low whine, or near tangible fear that caused Remus to agitated. It was the storm gray matched with incandescent silver. Something had caused Sirius and Padfoot to become afraid. Slowly Remus walked to Sirius's side.

The shaking lessoned as Padfoot felt the presence of his wolfish Childe and Sirius felt his friend by his side.

The silver of Sirius's left eye faded and bled to gray as Padfoot retreated. The whine died down and the terror settled down to shock. Remus reached out slowly and laid his hand gently on Sirius's shoulder.

"What's wrong?" He asked.

"Nothing. Just a dream." Sirius gave Remus a small grin.

"Are you sure? You looked pretty freaked." Remus looked into Sirius's eyes. He thought he could see the wolf lurking behind, watching him.

"I'm fine." Sirius said with a little more force than necessary.

"If your sure." Remus let his hand drop from the other male's shoulder and he backed up some before sitting on the edge of the bed. Sirius could tell the smaller wolf had something on his mind and waited calmly.

"If you don't me asking, how were you turned?" He asked quietly.

"I'm sorry, Childe, that is tale you're not ready for yet." Sirius said apologetically. Remus sighed lightly. Sirius reached out and ruffled Remus's hair playfully. "Go to bed Remus." Remus glared at Sirius, smoothed his hair and stood up. Pretending to be offended he turned his nose up and stocked to his bed. He managed to make it to his bed before a grin crept onto his face.

"Night Sirius." He called.

"G'night Remus." Sirius replied sleepily.


End file.
